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touch of painted curls
noodling, as they say 
20th-May-2004 04:56 pm
dragons
Tact is caring more about what someone heard than what you said.
I thought of this while driving through MA once. I like it. It's not a definition of tact, but I think it's a nifty descriptor bit. I can believe in objectivity and rationalism all I want, but it doesn't undo the hurt caused by a misunderstanding.

"But that's not what I meant!"
I think there exists a general assumption that the speaker's intentions are more real, more important than perceptions. In this case, it depends on the relationship. Even fault matters sometimes, and sometimes it doesn't really.

Oh, you think you've got problems?
There's this funny logic that comes up from time to time, when someone gets to feeling their problems are more important than someone else's. I intended to write something about it, but have completely lost implied motivation. There's an Orson Scott Card quote that covers this well, but I don't have it handy.

~obscurity. I love the tilde.

Indirect argument.
I'd been listening to C-Span all day. I think directly. (Don't we all?) But I skip steps. As far back as I can remember; I detested going through all the details; the repetition. So it's a hop, skip, and a wtf. Anyway, I was listening to C-Span, until it broke. And I love some of the rhetoric... silly stuff... but some members remember to acknowledge their opponent's intent (as they see it or as it is, both if they are good), before saying anything. It can be incredibly effective, even at its simplest. It's something I crave at times.

[sickfunny] Q/A from Church of Euthanasia
Dear Chrissy, How can I join the Church of Euthanasia? Do I have to kill myself first? What are the rules? -Anxious in Albany

Dear Anxious,

Joining the Church is EASY! Just wrap ten dollars in a piece of paper, pop it in an envelope and send it to [address].

Of course you don't have to kill yourself! If you really want to, though, wait until after you've joined the church! That way, you automatically become a saint, without any additional paperwork. The church has only one commandment, and it is:

"Thou shalt not procreate."

This means NO BREEDING! Procreation is grounds for immediate excommunication. Some related guidelines for good living follow:
  • Suicide is optional, but encouraged.

  • Abortion may be required to avoid procreation.

  • Cannibalism is mandatory if you insist on eating flesh.

  • Sodomy is optional, but strongly encouraged.

(Note that cannibalism is limited to consumption of those ALREADY DEAD. There is currently no shortage. Killing people for food is strictly prohibited, no matter how hungry you are. Also note that contrary to popular belief, sodomy is defined as any sexual act not intended for procreation. Fellatio, cunnilingus, and anal sex are all forms of sodomy and are still illegal in many states. Masturbation may or may not be sodomy; the jury's still out on that, but it's okay with us, especially if you kill yourself while doing it.)
There is some really weird stuff on that site.

something to hold on to
a bar on each side
some sexual fantasy
knowing it's illusion
we're all swimming
cats in the ocean
and I could let go
but I don't
I won't
Comments 
20th-May-2004 05:07 pm (UTC)
"Tact is caring more about what someone heard than what you said."

I agree, I wouldn't use that as a description of tact. I would define tact as editing what is said for maximum acceptability (of some part of the concept). Tact frequently leaves bits of the original concept out.

*nod* It is a nifty descriptor bit. And what you get from it I like too.

"Oh, you think you've got problems?"

I have noticed that in most cases people seem to relate more strongly to their reality than to others'.

I think the transition between childhood and adulthood is when one becomes aware that their reality is not the only one. As Morgen put the concept so well, "it's not just about me".

Being able to see into and care about other people's realities, even if they are not your own, is a very enlightening thing. I guess I would call that the basics of compassion.

"..some members remember to acknowledge their opponent's intent (as they see it or as it is, both if they are good), before saying anything. It can be incredibly effective, even at its simplest. It's something I crave at times."

I too crave active communication skills.

But be careful, there is an arguing trick where someone repeats back what the other person said with a slight but acceptable variation, and then argues against that in such a way as to completely twist their point. The steps are all followed, but the intent is to twist someone's words into something they did not mean, instead of what they did mean.

I was married to someone who excelled at this and other forms of passive-aggressive deliberate non-communication for 10 years. :/

[sickfunny] Very. ;}

I especially like their definition of sodomy. I've had to explain to many conservative people that sodomy is not a specific type of sex that only gay men do.

So, artificial insemination for a gay couple constitutes sex and is not sodomy. :D
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