Walking (running ) home last night I thought about the sense of possibility. I thought about how from this moment, there are a hundred thousand branches my life could take. Decisions waiting to be made. The possibility of somethng new, of love, of friendship, adventure.
So I thought about the moments in life when the possibilities seemed to expand most. Stages of freedom. Here's what I came up with:
As I see it, this occurred earlier than I remember. It's the realization that I am not a slave to my parents' or anyone's will. That sometimes, no punishment that can be doled out is worth changing my mind.
I was extremely antisocial in my younger years, so learning to enjoy communication is a step I remember. ;) For me, text-based freedom came first. I didn't learn to comfortably use a phone or talk in person until much later.
Independent Living Arrangements
I remember clearly the first time I left home (parents) long enough to call somewhere else home for awhile. During high school, I went to Concord for a summer program at St. Paul's School. The living arrangements there were roughly those of college, with more rules. I had my own room in a dorm. I had a bike. I had a curfew, though I neglected it sometimes. I was responsible for getting myself to class. I was alone, and found myself a different person than I thought I was, without anyone to remind me.
I was thinking of my first car when I tucked this thought away, but it can be a bike, comfort with public transportation, anything. I got my license fairly late (about 18), and really appreciated its benefits. I so disliked my first summer home after college that the next summer I set out for California with a van full of stuff, money for gas, and a job waiting. I slept in Bertha, as she's now called, for four days, and loved the trip.
This one's fairly obvious. :) For me, it started during college when I decided I didn't want to be on the school meal plan even if that was the only decision my dad would pay for, but I didn't really get there until my first good job.
I'm not sure if this one belongs. But it seems there is a purely emotional frontier not covered by the others. This pursuit may be less solitary than the others, but there is still a large degree of personal responsibility involved. Finding happiness opens up more possiblities for self and friends.
Also, I've been working on buying a house for some time, I'm sure once I get one, that will register somewhere on this list. :)
The possibilities are always there. Life is learning to see them.
- Music:(in my head) Audioslave - Show Me How To Live