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touch of painted curls
bleh! :) 
15th-Mar-2004 01:46 pm
Still soo tired. Flashes of motivation. Body feels like it needs more sleep. Lying in bed felt wonderful. *puts some music on, walks around a bit* I'm thinking about my defensiveness. They say sometimes the thing we hate the most is what we fear we'll become. I don't like defensiveness (def: excessive sensitivity to criticism). I think criticism is great. I want open and honest communication. But I still crave appreciation and acceptance, and sometimes dislike myself for it. It's easy to live when you're certain of your responsibilities. Even a little certainty is a powerful shield. Do the things that really matter change? How much? Who can answer that, except someone who knows what they all are? Doing one's best? I don't know. I feel kinda sucky. I think the best thing I can do right now is realize that I'll feel better later. ;) It's hard to remember how precious feeling icky is, and easy to appreciate its opposite.

If I'm uncertain, I lean toward inaction. I wait, listen, etc.
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